Yes, as I said on the previous article;
Joy comes as a result of achieving a certain inner human desires but achieving one is a hard target to get and to worsen mankind's situation man's desires are insatiables. Or perhaps because we lived in a world of plenty but nothing.
The whole world of man is full of sadness except when man personally creates joy for himself out of the numerous unfulfilled desirables.
The questions is how long will you continuing to dwell in the angony of man's unfulfilled ambition and why not you turned the little you can out of the many available undesirables into a desirables and see for yourself whether you will not achieve a certain level of your ever eluded inner peace and joy ?
Why Do We Experience Happiness and Unhappiness?
“Most of our unhappiness is about the meaning we assign an expedience.” According to Zen the renowned Hindu philosopher.
However, whether we agreed with Zen in his philosophy that happiness and unhappiness are controlled intentionally by meaning we assigned to experiences or not we are also to agree with life fact that life is full of unexpected shocks and uncertainties.
Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance between a sense of living with the things we can’t control and the reality that most of us experience. Many happy moments sprinkled in throughout the day and in no distant moment those feelings fizzled away with sadness.
At some point, everyone deals with some uncertainty that feels consuming. Some people are taking care of aging parents, some are job hunting, some are in roller-coaster relationships, and some are dealing with their own health issues. I will be missed if I do not acknowledge the fact that many Nigerians feel uneasy with how our leaders who are privileged to govern us are governing us which often cumulate into miss feelings and uncertainty in general scale of thing.
The secret to not allowing unhappiness to define us doesn’t come from the meaning we assign it, but from not allowing our unhappiness to define or consume us.
You can assign an unhappy experience any meaning you want. After you make that assignment, you then have to decide if that’s your stopping point in which the experience will define you, or your growing point where the experience becomes something that improves you.
We live in a world of all or nothing, perhaps we tend to forget that the real secret to happiness is realizing we are not supposed to be happy all of the time. Perhaps it is not about assigning meaning to our unhappiness that defines us, but instead, understanding that our unhappy or sad moments teach us to value our happy moments.
WHY PAIN IS A HEALING PROCESS TO HAPPINESS
Happiness is often overrated. Allowing oneself to totally pass through the pains of the pupa to become a butterfly is rather much rewarding in the long run of life than you might have ever imagined.
There you are laying on the sofa with one hand in a bag of crisps and the other holding your phone or curding round your loved one, browsing social media and being confronted with friends scoring dream jobs, creating perfect families and sunning yourselves on beaches can create the impression that you are in an unending state of euphoria. You might as well be misled to think that is all life there is but in just a moment later there is life reality that awaits you.
Moreover, constant happiness is not only overrated but it’s totally unachievable.
Expecting to be constantly happy is harmful. Says Gina Clarke, a psychotherapist at Click for Therapy .
“Everybody’s mood fluctuates, we all have ups and downs and a widen range of emotions,” she says, pointing towards the kids movie Inside Out as an analogy.
"If we expect to be constantly happy, then we judge that to feel any other emotion is wrong and therefore we internalise that we are bad if we feel sad, angry, frustrated, and so on, when in actual fact in order to feel happy, to process the difficult stuff that happens, we need to accept other emotions.”
And if, as studies suggest, half of workers in the UK would rather be in a different job; some 60 per cent of people report being in an unhappy relationship; and social media is making us unsatisfied, it's unlikely that everyone around you is as happy as they seem. And you might hope that we’re not all doomed to endure these feelings for the rest of our lives.
The world's happiest man says one thing is making him unhappy.
So, experiencing sadness or discomforts are part of everyday life else life is not normal. Take athleticism for instance; every second of pain is being invested into a healthier body and better mental health.
“Feeling sad or uncomfortable is similar to standing on a broken leg and feeling pain,” explains Clarke. “When we feel sad or uncomfortable it is our mind's way of telling us that we are out of balance, that emotionally we are in pain and we need time to heal or correct that discomfort. With a broken leg we ask for help, see a specialist. If we did this when we felt sad or uncomfortable it would help us to process and heal. The first step is acknowledgement and then assessment - do I need to leave the situation, ask for help, talk with a friend or seek for a professional support?”
When feelings of sadness and worthlessness are all-consuming, it is vital to visit a doctor and assess your mental health as these can be symptoms of depression or other serious conditions. Dreading going to work but feeling happy in other aspects of life, or the odd pang of sadness can be a catalyst for trying to unpick what is causing these feelings.
“From what I’ve seen, and I’ve worked with a lot of clients, a valuable key to contentment and or fulfilment is acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves, acceptance of what’s happening in our lives, acceptance of those around us,” says psychotherapist Hilda Burke.
“On the other hand, wishing things were other than what they are is a sure fire way of making ourselves unhappy as it keeps us in a stuck place in our heads where we are imagining how life could be better another way with another partner, in another job and as such we are inevitably missing what is just under our noses and failing to appreciate that good things that are there."
“This is where self reflection is key,” says Clarke. “If we feel unhappy in the moment we should ask ourselves why, what’s going on, and assess our emotions over time.
Some people write it down, some write it in journals for others to similar experiences on it, some talk with others, some just note their feelings.”
"Once you get to the root causes of how you feel, it becomes much easier to change your mood," chimes Phillip Adcock, psychologist and author of Master Your Brain.
"I recommend playing the why, why, why game. In it, you ask yourself why you feel unhappy, and why is that, and why is that really. Keep going until you get to the root cause of your unhappiness." And unhappiness might be the thing of the pass and happiness reign supreme in the long run.
12 Steps to Reduce Sadness:
1. Recognize the unhappiness you are experiencing.
Research indicates that accepting your negative feelings will, paradoxically, increase your well-being. Accepting negative feelings such as disappointment, anger, and sadness will also reduce stress. While it is not clear why acceptance of negative feelings is such a potent strategy, previous research has shown that labeling negative feelings — "I'm feeling resentful," "This is sadness," etc. — shifts your feelings from the emotional part of your brain to the thinking part of your brain. Once your "thinker" (the prefrontal cortex) is on board, you can put your feelings in perspective.
2. Give yourself some compassion.
Talking kindly to yourself could bring moments of comfort.
Talking kindly to yourself could bring moments of comfort.
You may not have many people in your life right now who can give you the deep empathy that you need, but you do have one person — you.
3. Give yourself permission to be happy when possible. Tell yourself that you don't need to feel guilty for wanting moments of relief, happiness, and joy in your life.
4. Experience pleasureful and healthy distractions. Once you give yourself permission to be happy, you can better allow yourself the experience of small pleasures — a walk, a cup of coffee, a chat with a friend, a visit to the park. Music, books, and films can provide both escape and contentment. Remind yourself that it's OK to have fun, even though part of your life may be falling apart.
5. Hold tightly to your self-care program.Or start one if you don’t already have one. Exercise, eat right, connect with friends and get plenty of sleep. Resist the "false friends" of over-drinking, over-eating, and the couch-potato life.
6. Seek out creative and meaningful activities. Pour your feelings into a hobby or a creative activity. Writing in your journal can help you focus and may even be therapeutic, according to studies by James Pennebaker and others.
7. Compartmentalize. If the source of your unhappiness is work, put your work struggles in the "work compartment" of your brain. Leave them there when you're at home so you can enjoy your home life. When you get back to work, take those work issues out again, and deal with them as best you can. Taking a mental break from your troubles may even help you envision new solutions.
8. Realize that everything changes. Events change, feelings change. However you may feel now, you are likely to feel differently in the future - perhaps even in the next moment. Let “this too shall pass" become your motto and you shall it really passed you in a matter of time.
9. Change one small aspect of your situation. Is there a way to make even a tiny change that will improve your life?
"Do one thing differently," as therapist Bill O'Hanlon wrote in his book of the same name. Then take another action that will help you. Add another again and again and you shall see increases in positive changes.
"Do one thing differently," as therapist Bill O'Hanlon wrote in his book of the same name. Then take another action that will help you. Add another again and again and you shall see increases in positive changes.
10. Ask for help. You may think you are admitting defeat by asking for help. Reframe from destructive idea. Instead, think of yourself as the CEO of your own life (because you are), and delegate some responsibilities to others. Use the time you gain for self-care, fun, and meaningful activities. Find a therapist who can be your ally and sounding board.
11. Help others. While it may sound odd to suggest to help others when you yourself need help, research shows that helping others will make you happier, among otherhealth benefits. You may also realize that your situation could always be worse — because it could. (If you are already a full-time caregiver, this tactic may not be the best one for you.)
12. Be grateful for what you can. Gratitude is the cousin of happiness.
There are times when searching for happiness could be a way to avoid facing serious problems. For example, if you are unhappy because you are in an abusive or life-threatening relationship, it could be a cop-out to focus on moments of happiness.
When some extraordinary people find happiness even under the harshest conditions, it amazes me and I got inspired; really, then I am not alone.
I am Fame Agidife and I just want to add my voice to voice wisdom.
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